White clothing attracts tomatoes like sirens lure sailors. Even for careful people. But I’m not one of those, so I really shouldn’t speak for them.Whenever I get near anything with a SMIDGEN of tomato in it, my clothes send radar that unlocks a force field that sucks up tomato sauce. You can bet the farm on that. The whiter the fabric, the stronger the suction.
If I could just patent that, I’d be a rich mouse. I would design a force field that pulls cheese to mouse fur. Or snow to hot playgrounds. Or rain to parched lawns. Or tape to politicians’ mouths.
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