HENRIETTA TRIMS HUGH'S TOENAILS

Is it already time to cut toenails again? Good grief! Look at those claws! Somebody go find the buzz saw!

Why, oh why would you let your toenails get that long? Don't they hurt pushing on the inside of your shoe? They do? So you'd rather hurt than cut?

I watched my husband teeter on one foot and thought to myself, "He's going to break his neck if somebody doesn't intervene." I told him to sit on the floor and put a hand towel under his foot to catch the toenails that were going to hit the carpet.

When I came back, he was sitting on the hand towel. Not sure how this happened. I visualized him inch-worming around the carpet chasing his toes.

A wave of pity consumed me. I sat on the floor and carefully placed the towel under his feet. I filed away at the big toe nail with an emery board. "Ouch!" he said. "Look," I said, "I'm filing the top of the nail where it's jagged. I'm not touching any skin." I tried the large nail clippers, but the nail was thicker than they were. "Wait a minute," he said, and he fetched some monster jaws of steel I had forgotten about. Very sharp. Very large. Very effective!

First clip - a nail shard flew across the room. I could forget about the hand towel. Get out the vacuum cleaner! Half an hour later, all ten nails were a tad shorter than before, he had promised to get a pedicure, and the rug was clean. I hope I haven't started something I can't stop!

March 5, 2010