DIRTY FINGERNAILS

When I lived in Wisconsin, I read that raccoons carry a parasite that’s dangerous to humans.  If someone gets the parasite eggs under his fingernails and into his stomach, it can cause nerve damage or blindness.  But who could possibly get raccoon feces under his fingernails?  Kids!  That’s who! 

Getting children to clean under their nails suddenly takes on new meanings.  Do parental warnings like, “You’ll get worms!” have any effect?  Get serious!

Concerned parents might try bribery.  But how do you set a price on a fingernail?  A nickel a nail?  The child would laugh in your face.  If you raise your bid, you lose your self respect.  Toss that approach.

A parent might appeal to the child’s sympathy:  “What will people think of me if you have dirty fingernails?”  Similarly, there’s the shock treatment, with the hope that the parent’s horror will rub off on the child.  Preceded with a gasp:  “Did your teacher see your hands today?!”  Also, there’s humiliation:  “Why don’t you polish them pink, fella?”

After the child stares blankly at your noblest efforts, you might try violence.  But does the crime really merit a good flogging?  No, there’s only one prescription that will help at this point, and that is a good strong dose of love and human understanding.  Administer gently three times a day.  To the parent.

Now where in the world did someone hide those fingernail clippers?