TOILET PAPER

I began my war with the toilet paper industry when I was first married and stretching every penny.  I decided that I would have soft toilet paper in my house as soon as I could afford it.  I checked prices weekly.

After a few years, I gave in to temptation and bought a soft brand that was competitively priced.  I stuck with that marvelous brand for several months, conscientiously checking the price weekly.  Then I guess I got lazy because one day I noticed that the price had gone out of sight while I wasn’t looking.  That toilet paper company had baited and hooked me.

The next trick the toilet paper industry pulled was to invent the six-pack.  They thought I would assume that the larger pack was more economical, and that I would buy it without checking the price.  Not me!  No sir!  I KNOW about these toilet paper companies.  The four-pack is a better deal.

Then they came out with two-ply sheets.  Sure, they’re thicker and softer.  But they separate, and you waste half the roll trying to get the sheets started evenly.

Then a new trick came along.  The toilet paper companies quietly kept their prices the same but made their rolls smaller.  As aggravating as it is to have to change a roll of toilet paper on one of those clumsy little spring gadgets – not to mention being the only person in the household who will even bother to do it – I now had to change them twice as often!

Next came the oversized rolls.  And nobody’s house had a toilet paper holder that could accommodate them.

I give up.  I’ll go back to the Sears catalog.  No, wait a minute.  They stopped producing those in 1993.   Oh sh-t!