We have a new follower.  Thankyou for following my blog!  I hope you'll comment on some of the stories.  Love to get feedback!

Snakes

I wish I had seen this! A friend described it this way: "I looked out the door and saw my neighbor and my husband running in opposite directions. I knew immediately - it was a snake! He was running for a shovel and she was running for the mothballs! She said that snakes hate mothballs, and pretty soon she was throwing mothballs all over the yard!"


People do the darnedest things when snakes appear. My mother, saw a black snake in our front yard one time. Well, Mom was dressed for church in her hat, gloves, and high heel shoes (this was the 50s), and she ran to the basement, got a hoe, and started chasing that snake all over the yard. She cut off a piece of his tail.

Another time Mom screamed "There's a snake!" and sent my sister running to fetch the neighbor. He arrived red-faced and armed with a shovel, only to find a tiny, harmless green snake. My mom never lived it down.

Dominoes

The biggest storage problem these days is the vinyl tubes. These are short tubes of rolled up vinyl (mostly scrap). We have bought storage racks. We have built storage structures. But the tubes reproduce like rabbits. The overflow ends up standing vertical on the floor - then they become Dominoes!

Now and then someone bumps them and the chain reaction begins! And I’m not talking about just the chain reaction of the tubes. It’s the beginning of a series of expletives!

We have now put some of our best brains to work to find the perfect storage system. Today there’s a long box on the floor with dowels sticking up to hold the tubes. So far so good.

Dogs

I walked into the shop and our two dogs started barking. Big dogs! They were barricaded from the lobby by a door that was about a yard high, and they were fighting each other to get to me. Fortunately, I love both of these dogs. They belong to my son and daughter who run the shop now.

When I entered, two customers were at the counter talking with my daughter Susan. I hurried to my desk to put down my purse then turned to talk with them (and to hopefully remember who they were). They asked if we had received their logo yet. I waded through the barking dogs (one trying to block my path to get attention) to talk to my son about this. He looked up from the assembly he was working on and called to the customers across twenty feet of tables and dogs to tell them he got it but didn't know what to do with it. Great.

I made my way back through the dogs, one of whom almost tripped me. Susan told me to just say "No!" and hit her (the dog, not Susan), so I started doing this while Susan kept talking to one of the customers. I said to the other one (the customer, not the dog) that I was retiring and that Susan would be handling their order. He looked at me without the understanding, friendly smile I expected. The dogs barked. The customers walked out. They looked angry.

I didn't say anything about the dogs. I just secretly cursed myself up and down for that fateful moment when I agreed to let the first dog in on a trial basis. I mentally shot myself for the day I agreed to let the second dog stay there for a couple of hours while waiting to go to the vet. I mentally stuck my finger down my throat remembering the Saturday I spent moving supplies around to sweep dog hair from behind them and mopping the dried dog saliva spots off the 2,000 sq. ft. floor.

Fred and Susan say "most of" the customers love the dogs. Surely there's a reverse-marketing plan in there somewhere.

(PS - After reading this story, my kids decided to leave their dogs at home. I didn't raise no dummies!)

Great Employee!

I don’t care how small or how large your workspace is, keeping things organized is always a problem. We have a lot of storage space under our work tables. I have re-organized it a few times, but sign installers apparently go to clutter school before they start work.

We have finally lucked out with a wonderfully organized installer. I saw him the other day taking screws out of storage drawers and lining them up on the work table in neat little piles, presumably to organize the drawers. I tiptoed by in complete bewilderment, not wanting to interrupt the procedure. I think he dropped straight out of heaven!

Meredith

The news today says Meredith College laid off four of its seven armed police officers because between 2006 and 2008 they had only one violent crime!


Wow! I graduated from there in 1970, and the biggest violent crime we had was panty raids. Do kids today even know what those are?

There were other crimes, come to think of it. Sometimes someone put detergent in the fountain. And whenever someone got pinned or engaged or something, her friends threw her into the fountain.

We did have laws that shouldn't be broken. If anyone got caught doing something improper, like making out in the parlor, she got a pink slip. And God forbid that you got caught drinking an alcoholic beverage within a 25-mile radius!

There was some cheating going on, too. We weren't allowed to wear pants to class - only skirts, so we faked it by throwing on a raincoat over our PJs.

I can't believe I'm this ancient!

Closets

I don’t care how small or how large your work space is, it’s never enough. Space gets used up – wasted – and then it’s gone forever!

Take for example the "Back Room." You know, it's a generic term, like when you say "The Junk Drawer." When we first opened the sign shop, we put the back seats of the van there temporarily. The plan was to take them home and store them in the attic. But now they are covered with tools and ladders. Sometimes I go in and stare at that clutter and visualize storage shelves. They say visualization helps.

Then there’s the closet. Everybody has one. Instead of installing shelves and stacking things where we can find them, we just shoved boxes and cleaning supplies in there for about three years. Then we built some shelves and, of course, they're overflowing. Build it and they will come!

Ordering a Phone Line

I called one phone company several times until I thoroughly understood what they offered and how much it costs. (Do you know that it's best to ask them that price question two or three different times, just to see if you get the same price each time?)

I decided to order from that company, so I called them one last time (I thought). After going through three people with a total of about fifteen minutes on hold, I spent half an hour placing my order, then was transferred to someone to confirm the order, and got disconnected. Once again, I called and re-ordered, which took even longer this time. I did get the order confirmed this time. Yea! I called back the next day with a question, and they couldn't find my order. I think I said "Bummer!" or something.

Am I sure I want to use this company? As they say, "If the honeymoon's bad, the marriage will be a disaster!"

World's Best Salad Dressing

When old friends get together, everyone else might as well vanish because memories are going to be the topic. That's how it came to pass that I found out why my older sister Becky fed me a concoction of spices and vinegar and mayonnaise and ketchup and who knows what else when I was a small, sweet, innocent child. (Ahem.) It's one of those funny childhood incidents that gets told over and over for years. But I didn't know until yesterday that she didn't maliciously plan to make me throw up.

Becky was creating the world's best salad dressing for supper, and she wanted to see if I liked it. She put the spoon to my lips and I gobbled it up. Now I have to explain that I thought my big sister was God's gift to the world. So when she added a little bit of pepper to the mixture and offered me a taste, I gulped it down and smiled faintly. By this time, the world's best salad dressing was losing its importance and the experiment on little sister was taking over. She added some mustard or something, and I ate it. I made a face, but I ate it. She stirred in some vinegar and other things to see how funny my expressions would look and how far I would go before refusing to eat any more. But I ate it every time until she finally discovered what would happen to me. I think something happened to her after Mamma found out about it!

Welcome, new followers! Thanks for reading! :)

Bats

More about the Duplin Times newspaper office in the 50s.

Through the window in the front of the newspaper office, you could see a wooden stairway with no risers. Climbing those stairs was pretty scary for a child who was afraid of heights and could see through those stairs while ascending. But the offices where my parents worked were at the top of those stairs. You could hear the rat-a-tat-tat of keys tapping on a black Underwood typewriter. Mom had long, red polished fingernails and those fingers could fly! She typed fast, and her hands flew from the keys to the carriage, across, and back. They also flew across the adding machine, which was a bulky manual “calculator” with a handle that she cranked down after she entered numbers.
There was no light switch. Just light bulbs hanging from the ceiling with pull strings made of tobacco twine. When my parents and sister had to work at night in the upstairs office, they had to dodge the bats. I heard about this, but I don’t remember it. When I was older, that upstairs room was air conditioned and bats didn’t live there any more. But whenever I had to go upstairs to turn on the lights at night, fumbling through the room waving my arms in the dark in search of the string hanging down from the light bulb, I remembered those bat stories!

VA Waiting Room

I sat in the VA waiting room listening to an over-enthusiastic man talking nonstop to two others, one of whom was quietly listening and the other, despite laptop and earphones, was engaging in this conversation whenever there was a moment to do so. This fellow was loud enough to entertain our waiting room and the one down the hall. "Yessss. Yessss. Yessss!" he cried. "You can't add to it and you can't take away from it!"
More chatter ensued, but I can't write that fast. So I'm giving you broken bits of it.

.…"No offense, James, but when He calls, you'd better be ready."

...."Psalm 37 says, 'Fret not thyself.'"

And, "We press for tomorrow. We press for tomorrow. We press for tomorrow. We press for tomorrow!"

"If you accept Christ, Walk - you - there - in - it!"

A man two seats down from the talker ducks his head to the side and rolls his eyes in the direction of the three men for just a split second, then looks away with a stare that's focused inward as if in self-control. Or maybe distress.

The trio is lop-sided. One makes proclamations; the others listen, except for a chuckle or a very quick comment here and there. He goes on. Something about "lust," and about Eve seducing Adam. "You must know the scriptures. You can defeat any rich man, any giant…. Look at what David did…."

I hear a quiet comment - then the silence is deafening. Then a comment comes from the earphones man. Then more expounding - something about "like a fool."

"Hallelujah! A man of God may be what? May be what? May be what? Perfect! When He comes, you better not have a spot…."

Another comment from the middle man. Laughter. He goes on, "Don't let the sun go down with your what? With your what? With your wrath!….Revelation says it's better to be cold than to be lukewarm. Either you're with the devil or you're with God."

A guy at the far corner of the room looks over at him, lids shading his eyes.

Now he's talking about a preacher who preaches that not everybody in this church is going to heaven. He worries that a drug addict on the street could come into the church and hear that and lose hope and leave and never be saved. "Yeah, brother. There are many false prophets. Many false profits in Rocky Mount! And Tarboro." He's silent for a nano-moment. Quotes from the book of Galatians burst forth. He stands, thrusting his fist through the air. He sits.
Then the nurse calls my name and I'm out of there! Saved by grace!

Blackbird, Bye Bye

The bird finally got a bun! Black birds with skinny beaks flew among the rafters and lighted on chair backs while the waiters weren't watching - waiting for that perfect moment! Zoom! He came and went in a flash! A couple of buns tumbled to the floor, but that black bird got his supper!

I'm so tired of planning what to cook for supper!

SMART PHONE - DUMB OWNER

I got a brand new "smart phone" and it's complicated! Smarter than me. Got it free with a two-year contract and was so excited. But I plugged it up to charge it, and it was dead as a doornail. So I called Verizon, and they said it might be a "DOA" and to take it to the nearest Verizon store and get it checked out, because if I returned it and they replaced it and it turned out to be a good phone, I'd have to pay for the new one. I definitely took it to the Verizon store to find out what was wrong. Guess what! I hadn't put the battery in!

Clown Act

We saw a show at our hotel restaurant last night. Jugglers and balancing acts and a lady who twirled maybe thirty hula hoops from her toes to the top of her fingers. What a sight! Then came the clown with the whistle. He got four guys out of the crowd and made them mimic him as he shook and jumped and cavorted. These guys were good sports about it, and after about ten minutes I thought the really amazing feat was that they still looked like they were having fun. I was bored and focused on my Margarita again.
Pretty soon, though, I heard everybody laughing and looked around, and that clown had those four guys in the strangest position I've ever seen. (It's not what you think. This is a G-rated blog.) Each guy had his butt on a knee-high stool, feet on the floor, and was reclining on the next guy's knees, so that the four formed a circle. The clown was dancing around them tooting his whistle, and he started pulling the stools out from under them! It worked! They didn't tumble! I think I'll try that on someone when I get home.

Flags on the Beach

Yellow flags mean caution. Red flags mean do NOT swim. I had read this in the guide book. When I got to the beach and saw two red flags, then two yellow, then a red and another yellow, I asked someone what it meant. He said the areas in front of the red flags weren't safe, but the areas in front of the yellow flags were pretty good. I looked again. These flags weren't even 80 yards apart (I tried to pace it off). Does this mean there are deep holes in certain spots? Who went out there and checked that?

Hot Dogs

The hot dogs looked really good as we walked through the airport to our gate, suitcases in tow. They were roasting in a cabinet, just calling to us to "come on over!" I said to George, "Even though this is Mexico, that sure does look like a good old skinny American hot dog." Two hot dogs and two bottled drinks later we were $20.85 lighter! The hot dogs were SO bad that we bought two candy bars to get the taste out of our mouths - $7.98! We polished it off with some Tums (free - in my pocketbook) and spent the next hour thinking how many chicken wings we could have eaten for $30 back at the good old Overtime bar at Knightdale.

Tan

Tan

The clerk at the hotel in Cancun asked me how long I was staying on my vacation. When I said, "I'm leaving tomorrow," she raised her eyebrows in surprise and started to speak, then sort of stopped and smiled and hesitated - you know, like you do when you just asked someone when the baby's due and she says she's not pregnant.

I said, "What?"

She said, "Well, you don't have any tan."

I laughed and told her how much I hate getting too hot. I'm 61. I don't need to worry about a tan any more. Plus, it's healthier.

But in the airport, a beautiful girl sat down near us. She was tanned smoothly and evenly from her long blond hair to the tops of her polished toenails. And all I've got to show from my trip to Cancun is a few blue bruises!

SNORKELING

I have snorkeled an average of three times in the last 40 years. But I'm a fish out of water, (in more ways than one) and I really should have gills and scales. (Well, sometimes I check for those scales, but it's just dry skin.) Anyway, I forget that not everybody feels at home in the water. George wasn't too excited about it. He likes dry land sports like football. But he agreed to go.

We went out on the boat and jumped over the side. George was the last one in, and he got a big swig of water. I heard some of the weirdest sounds behind me and turned around. I think he still had his snorkel tube in his mouth and was coughing, or something. I don't know. But that did it. He was NOT going to snorkel and wanted back in the boat. Unfortunately, the guide had different ideas.

George begrudgingly went along, or actually was towed along by the guide. This guy's name was "Angel," and he truly was. He helped with the snorkel tube, showed him how to get the water out of it (which was necessary pretty frequently), and got him relaxed enough to see the beautiful fish and corals. By the time we got back into the boat, I expected to get an earful from George. But what a shocker! He was ready to go again!

Primitive

The water in Cancun is blue! I mean, BLUE! And the beaches are WHITE. Sure, I expected to enjoy the hotel pool, but I was especially eager to get onto that white sand beach. We arrived around 5:00 and walked out on the beach. Egads! The sand stopped. We looked down, and the sand commenced about ten feet below us. It was a sand cliff! There were no steps down to the beach anywhere. Must be some sort of ordinance since the beach had been built up because of erosion. The only way down was to climb down a path that the tourists had made, and climbing back UP was quite a challenge! So I was looking forward to the snorkeling trip, where I could actually get in the water.

For our snorkeling experience, we were driven through the marshes on a bumpy road that had been built with rocks. I started worrying, but was happily surprised when we arrived at a little beach with palm trees, white sand, and the unbelieveably blue sky and Carribean sea - a truly exotic setting. After snorkeling (and swallowing a lot of salt water) our hosts treated us to drinks and fruit under thatched umbrellas and palm trees. I sat in a hammock. It was the first time I had ever done that. It wasn't difficult, and - you won't believe this - I didn't fall out!

But - let me tell you - this little oasis was primitive! The drinks eventually did what drinks do, and I went in search of a bathroom. I opened the door, and the sign said, "Do not put toilet paper in the toilet. Use the trashcan." Or words to that effect. Gee. The guidebook hadn't lied! Thank goodness there was running water and three decoratively painted ceramic basin sinks outside the bathroom. Our hosts did their best!

Name That Mouse

This mouse - she is me! He's a she! She's a plain old down-to-earth practical dry wit outspoken curious mouse. Does anyone have any ideas for a new name????? "Hugh" must be changed to a female. Hmmmm. Sounds kinky!

I want to name her something that sounds good when you say "Mouse" after it and also when you say "___ and Hugh." I'm thinking of Hortense Mouse (Hortense and Hugh) or Hester Mouse (Hester and Hugh) or maybe just Ms. Mouse (but Ms. and Mr. Mouse sounds too formal).

Please comment. If you can't figure out how to comment on this website, you can just email me at maggiegc@bellsouth.net. Thank you for your input! The winner gets a free copy of my first book - if we're all still alive then. Wait a minute. I would have to be, wouldn't I?

Sand in the Beach Bag

I was dry and the sand brushed off easily. I gathered my towel, sandals, cover-up, and beach bag. I carefully brushed the sand off everything, thinking to myself how good I was doing this time. Nice and clean. Tidy, in fact. I turned to leave and BOOM! I fell over a lawn chair. Sand got inside my beach bag. I hurt my wrist, too. Got a nice bruise on my forearm.

I stood up. Mumbled something softly, looked around to see if anybody had witnessed that, and walked away, head held high.
Must be these new glasses!

Glasses

YOU SHOULD NEVER GO SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN WITH YOUR GLASSES ON!!!

Mad Cat

He knows. He sees our suitcases. He's mad! This morning he started meowing very loudly, like he does when he's out of food. My daughter Susan raised him, and she told me he would get mad when he realizes we are leaving. I sat in my chair to try to console him, and he paced in front of me. Finally, he jumped up into my lap, but he circled and couldn't settle. He let me rub his head for a long time, like he couldn't quite give it up. Then he left the room. Later, I passed by the bedroom where he was reclining, and he backed his ears.

He's so impudent. He must have jumped on the kitchen counter ten times last night - brazenly! He did it right in front of me! I wanted to slap him, but he's too cute and too small and too - I started to say "fragile." But MoJo's a tough dude. Anyway, Susan told me if I hit him he'd attack me!

Vacation Plans Continue

So far I've printed 26 pages of confirmations, changes, etc. Little surprises are cropping up all over the place. For instance, I thought I got a real deal on the plane tickets through BJ's until I spoke with the airline personnel direct & found out it was their regular price.

The travel guidebook warns of brownouts and surges that can kill your laptop, so you should buy a $45 surge protector before going. I called the hotel. No problem. They will gladly rent you one for $10/day, in addition to the Wi-Fi charge of about $15/day.

Verizon calls cost $l.48/minute. I guess that beats email, under these circumstances. Not that I plan to even think about home anyway!

The travel guidebook also mentions the 3% conversion fees that some places charge if you don't pay in their national currency. And I still have to check out the ATM fees over there! And VISA charges $10 for each cash advance, even if it's only for $5!

I haven't been in an airport since 9/11, so I figured I'd better find out how many bags you can check. Gees! Egads! Jiminy Crickets! It costs $25 to check my bag???? I'm going to take a change of underwear in my purse and forget the rest!

This trip is turning into a-la-carte!

Little Tiny Bottles

I am still trying to figure out how to pack an entire week's worth of liquids into one ziplock bag full of 3-oz bottles. A man certainly must have written this rule. I mean, if you pack a bottle of nail polish, you also have to pack nail polish remover, don't you?

And even men need sunscreen, which means they'll need aloe for their burns.

The travel guidebook suggests bringing insect repellent. Well, I guess that means you'd better remember the anti-itch lotion!

Drug stores stock little tiny bottled toiletries, but not the brands we use! We've got to pour some liquids from big bottles into little tiny bottles, things like mouthwash, after-shave, hand cream and shampoo. When you think about it, many liquids call for a companion liquid. With shampoo, you need conditioner. With makeup, you need makeup remover.

There's one advantage to these little tiny bottles. The suitcase sure won't be as heavy as it used to be!

Travel Plans

It's our first vacation in seven years, so we're gonna do it right! We're going to CANCUN!! Too bad we'll have to listen to a 1.5 hour sales pitch, though.

A one-way shuttle service will meet us at the airport. (I don't know how we'll get back.) They emailed a picture of their van and their smiling driver and warned us not to take any other transportation "for your own safety." Hmmmm.

Customs sounds like fun. The driver says he'll hang around "one and one and a half hour" waiting for us to get through customs. I hope that means 1.5 not 2.5 hours, but either one sucks.

The travel guidebook says we need to take our own toilet paper to some of the remote places! We don't plan to go to those.

I complicated it, of course, by changing the dates twice. (Don't ask.) I just hope our one-way shuttle guy will show up on the right day.

Magic Trick

My sister Becky learned a magic trick when she was about four or five years old. She excitedly showed it to her best friend Jean. She balled up a little wad of paper in her hand and pretended to put it in one ear and take it out of the other. Her friend didn't know she had a little wad of paper in her other hand and - well, you know the trick.

A few minutes later, Becky went to the bathroom or somewhere, and Jean was still thinking about that magic trick. So she tried to do it. She rolled up a little ball of paper and attempted to push it through her head. She kept working that paper deeper and deeper into her ear until she finally gave up, and, of course, she couldn't get it out. Becky came back and saw how upset Jean was, and she told her not to worry because it would grow out. That logic seemed to satisfy her.

Jean didn't tell her mom there was a wad of paper in her ear because she was afraid she'd get Becky in trouble, so she just waited patiently for it to grow out. It didn't, and it got infected, and her mom got it out, and all was well again, and that's the only magic trick I've ever heard of my sister trying. Jean says it was definitely the end of her trusting "that things are always as they appear or that anything imbedded in skin or body part will ever 'grow out.'"